Are You Standing in Your Own Way? (The importance of self-acceptance)

You are feeling like you are on a treadmill. You are moving but going nowhere. While on the treadmill (going nowhere), you see your colleagues and friends moving along steadily, making progress: they are getting job promotions, being invited to speak at big conventions, making more and more money (these are the times you loathe the creation of Facebook).

But, why aren’t you?

Why aren’t YOU going and growing?

Why are you stuck where you are?

Being stuck like this brings on a natural response: to blame others for your stuck-ness.

You blame your:

  • Boss
  • Co-worker
  • Neighbor
  • Significant other
  • Pastor
  • Child
  • Brother
  • Ex-spouse (ahhh…the favorite one to blame)

To blame is a way to discharge pain, says author, speaker, and sociologist Dr. Brene Brown. And, it is painful to feel stuck when everyone around you isn’t!

But, let’s take a look at another possibility – other than it’s someone else’s fault – for being stuck.



You are stuck because of YOU.

You are stuck because you are standing in your own way of your success and happiness.

Can this be possible? You’re in your own way?

Yes! And Yes!

There may be numerous reasons why you are standing in your own way. I offer one: you haven’t accepted who you are and you try to fit into someone else’s expectation.

Don’t worry. You aren’t standing in your own way to hurt yourself intentionally. You aren’t a masochist. I promise you aren’t.

You are standing in your own way because you are unaware. You are unaware of your gifts, talents, uniqueness, specialness. If you are aware, you don’t value them and you wish you had someone else’s.

Mostly, you fight against yourself routinely with your inner critic:

  • “I am always opening my mouth.”
  • “I’m not as smart as she is.”
  • “I suck! I need to do better.”
  • “I can never finish one task. I’m all over the place.”
  • “How stupid I can be sometimes.”
  • “No one likes me. I don’t fit in.”

On and on and on.


Why You Fight Against Yourself

This internal “fight” suggests you have not accepted who you are. You are who you are. And, you are perfect and whole just as you are. When you fight against yourself, you suffer, needlessly. When you fight against yourself, you cause stress. Stress accounts for numerous sicknesses and diseases. When you fight against yourself, you fight others and create a difficult relationship, needlessly.


A Really Short Story

Three years ago, I took a self-improvement course through Landmark Worldwide. The homework assignment was to interview 5 people about who I am to others (what I do well; what are my strengths; what do I offer that benefits others; what are my weaknesses; yada, yada, yada). I asked one friend these questions. Out of all the positive responses she gave, I couldn’t help but focus in on one comment that wasn’t meant to be negative, but certainly, I took as such. In answer to the question about a weakness, she replied: “You know how when you can have a few tabs open on your web browser? Well, you don’t have two or three open tabs, you have like 20!”

Now, I don’t know about you, but that comment threw me into a tailspin…for years! I simply was unaware that I am all over the place, unable to focus at times, having multiple tasks going on in my life at the same time, and sometimes never finishing what I started. Yes, this was my interpretation of her innocent remark. In fact, every time I opened my web browser and notice I had 6 or 7 tabs opened, I’d quickly close them all down in a panic!

This is only one example. I have 13 others.

These examples translated into inner voices that kept me fighting against me. As I fought against myself, wasting time and energy, others were moving along, gaining the success in life I desired for myself.

So, what did I do?

Well, I did something unconventional (forgive me, mom). I turned to astrology. I looked up my zodiac sign and my natal chart. I had to. I had to understand aspects of my personality that I didn’t choose. I had to understand aspects of my personality that friends, co-workers, and mentors could not answer with depth. What I discovered is, as a Gemini, having 20 tabs open in my web browser is an aspect of my personality that makes me the fun and delightful person I am.

These open tabs reveal my voracious curiosity about everything. I am a constant learner and enjoy sharing what I learn through speaking, writing, and other creative outlets. Wow! Spot on! This is me.

I learned more as I read about my zodiac sign. Once I relaxed into accepting myself as myself, an important shift occurred in my heart and mind. This shift was surrender to who I really am, what I have come to earth to deliver, and how I wish to serve others. That surrender is this: I AM A HEALER. Yes, as a Gemini, I was born at the right time, at the right place, to the right parents, with the right siblings in order to bring healing to others. I have chosen at this time of my life to bring healing to a special group of people. This group is divorced parents. I am on this earth at this time to help divorced parents heal their emotions so they can have SUPER success in work, life, and love.

I still have 20 tabs open when I’m browsing the web. And, you know what…? That just makes me a lively healer!


What You Should Do Now

You no longer have to stand in your own way because you haven’t accepted the uniqueness about you. Here is an exercise that will help you get out of your own way.

  1. Grab a piece of paper and a pen (old school way, but it’s more effective than using your smartphone or computer).
  2. Divide your paper into two columns.
  3. Write down in the left column every critical statement you make about yourself. You will need to start listening to that inner critic that is ALWAYS talking and ALWAYS listening to your conversations so she can criticize you later.
  4. In the right column, counter every internal statement with a statement of who you really are (even if you don’t know who you really are, make an affirmative statement anyway. Do a quick research of your zodiac sign if you need help). For example, if you wrote in the left column, “I am always opening my mouth.” Counter this with an affirmative statement like, “I have a lot to share with others.” If you wrote in the left column, “I am not as smart as she is.” Counter this with an affirmative statement like, “I am smart enough to fulfill my unique purpose in life.” Get it?
  5. Once you have a nice long list, cut the paper in half the long way so you have two sheets: internal statements and affirmative statements.
  6. Throw the internal statements in the trash (okay, recycle it), and as you do, recite these words, “I am who I am and that’s perfect enough!”
  7. Read the affirmative statements in the morning, before you get out of bed to start your day, and at night, just before you close your eyes. You are more receptive to the truth of these statements during these times. Do this until you accept who you really are.

Let today be the first day you no longer stand in your own way. Let today be the first day that you accept who you really are.

The world is waiting to benefit from the gifts your true self has to offer.

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